I think it’s actually a mixture of feeling stuck and feeling overwhelmed. On the one hand I feel like I hardly ever have a break; I have no time to just stop moving. I’m up at 5am to leave my house by 6:20am to go to a job-that has it’s own messed up shit going on that constantly stresses me out-from 7am to 3pm. Then come home and I’m making sure household chores are done like dishes, laundry, vacuuming, cleaning up after the cats, cooking dinner, putting away dinner, making sure bills are paid and 52+ other things. Then there’s doctor’s appointments, therapy appointments, hair cut appointments, union meetings, grocery shopping, car maintenance, family gatherings, my daughter’s after-school activities or plans with her friends. THEN I also work a side job, mostly on weekends, at a DV shelter for a little extra money because even though I have a full time job and my husband has a full time job, it’s absolutely disgustingly difficult to live on Long Island.

On top of all that I’m also trying to make time to take care of myself, take care of my daughter, take care of my husband and our marriage. Have date nights, have mother-daughter time, do a little self-care routine, try to make plans with some friends (which hardly ever happens), check in with family. It can be exhausting – more mentally than anything. My brain almost always feels like it’s on overdrive. There’s a million and one things running through my head at a time and I have to try to filter out which of those things is actually a priority at the moment and what can wait until tomorrow or next week or next month. But even when I complete one thing, it feels like five more pop up in it’s place and it’s just never-ending and some days my head quite literally feels like it’s going to explode.

Then there is the part of me that feels stuck. Like I’m at this point in my life where I’m just not feeling fulfilled or truly productive or moving forward. I like my full-time job but I also don’t like it if that makes sense. I like certain aspects of my job and some of the things I’m able to do there and the ways I’m able to help or support the kids. What I don’t really like is some of the adults I have to deal with on a regular basis, the politics of a school system, or the days I feel like I’m actually not doing much of anything and wishing I could do more. Feeling stuck because I want to do something more with my life. I want to help people and inspire people to help themselves and help people feel like they are not alone. But I don’t know how I want to do that or what move to make next. And I feel like I don’t even have the time to think about the how or what because I am so busy with the regular life stuff that I’m afraid if I take some focus off that to put some focus on life changes, then everything will fall apart because I’m trying to focus on too many different things at once. BUT how do I make any changes and figure out what I want to actually do with my life if I don’t put time and focus into that?

In order to make changes, to adjust, to start a new path, I have to make sacrifices. The challenge then is, what do I actually sacrifice? What can I possibly put on the back-burner to be able to have time for the things that will hopefully help better my life in the long run? How do I figure out what is going to truly fulfill me (career wise) when all my time is already just plain-old filled?

If anyone has any ideas or tips or maybe you’ve completely cracked the code to all of it; please let a girl know