Before I tell you about the actual proposal, I need to give you a little preface cause it will just make a little more sense. We went into NYC for two nights, just the two of us. He planned the whole thing and honestly it was just so nice and intentional and such great quality time. I was so grateful at how thoughtful he was. Anyway, on our last night there, we were out to dinner and it was kind of late, maybe 9:30ish. We’re sitting down waiting for our food – I had already started sipping my drink a little. And I look at him and say “you know, I honestly thought you were going to propose while we were here.”

Yes, okay, I went there. But in my defense we had been talking about marriage for months and I felt like I had been patiently (sort of lol) waiting for him to propose. He responded by basically telling me don’t worry about it. And then we ate lol. Skip ahead a few days, we were supposed to go on this Starlight Cruise that unfortunately got canceled due to hurricane weather and the waters being rough. So we still went out to dinner as we planned and then we drove down by the water. He said he “just wanted to see how bad the water looked.” And I actually fell for that. – honestly, Sam. So we’re just standing there, looking around and all of a sudden he starts saying all these super sweet things and telling me how much he loves me and then he starts turning to face me and says “alright, this is it babe” and he got down on one knee and proposed. And then I tried to take the ring and put it on myself and then said “oh wait, you’re supposed to do that.” And it was honestly the cutest and most perfect “us” thing ever. And I couldn’t have asked for anything better. Then we went to Ralph’s for ice cream and I started Face Timing everyone to tell them the news. And just about everyone asked if he had proposed at Ralph’s. And even though he did not, I would not have been against that.

That was a month ago and I still look at this ring every day in disbelief that this is real. I’m just so happy and grateful to be at this moment in my life. And the man did a damn good job at picking out this ring, let me tell you. It’s perfect.

Now everyone just wants to know the details. When are we getting married, where are we getting married, what’s our plan. And while some people prefer not to get a million questions, I have to say I don’t mind it. While I don’t really have much answers at the moment, I still get why everyone asks all the questions. It’s exciting and fun. While the basic concepts of a wedding are usually the same, I feel like every person and couple make it their own in some way. They have their own personality, they have things that are just meaningful to the specific relationship. And I, for one, find it cool to hear about or see those details that make it theirs. And some people, like me, have been wishing for this moment for such a long time and so I WANT to celebrate it and I want other people to celebrate it. I’ve been through so much in my life already and while I’ve always wanted to get married one day, I have never even actually wanted to marry anyone until this amazing man I have now. So hell yeh, ask me all the questions, cause I’m EXCITED.

My daughter, of course, has some mixed feelings. Actually she was the first person I Face Timed when we got engaged. She was with my mom at the time so they both found out first. But when I told my daughter she just kept saying “no, no way, are you serious, no”; in a sarcastic, comical way though. Then her tone changed and she was like, “wait, I’m gunna be a bridesmaid!” So she was super stoked about that. And then she asked me what my bridesmaid colors are going to be because she is “NOT wearing yellow.” Girl, I did not want yellow anyway.

A couple weeks ago we went to a wedding of some family friends and after the church ceremony, it was so beautiful out I wanted a picture of me, my daughter and my now fiancé. She refused and she refused HARD. I tried pleading, just one picture, just one and then I won’t ask for another. She wasn’t budging. She wouldn’t do it. In that moment I was so upset and a little angry and frustrated and hurt. I actually walked away. I was ready to move on to the reception. I had a hard time letting it go at first. I vented to my man about how I do so much for her and hardly ask for anything from her and when is she going to stop being such a brat and stop pretending like she doesn’t like him. We were going to officially be a family and she was being a downer. It kind of put me in a mood for a little bit but I eventually got over it, possibly with the help of a little tequila. And then at some point she came to me and asked for the three of us to take a picture together at the photo booth. She said she just didn’t want to take a picture before but now she does. So we did.

A week later I was telling my therapist about all of this and she put it into perspective for me. Yes, there were moments she was excited about it and she’s definitely grown accustomed to him being around; but we were at a wedding. We had just witnessed the ceremony, two people who love each other getting married to be together, always. Of course my daughter’s feelings were going to be all over the place. Even though my fiancé has been in our lives for a couple years now, it’s all still new for her. The ceremony itself had to have got her thinking and feeling some things. It was just her and I for years. Just the two of us, all the time. She had all my attention all the time. And now someone else is part of our life and sharing my attention. And now we’re engaged to be married which tells her he’s not going anywhere. So while I was feeling hurt and over her attitude bullshit, she was feeling anxious and scared and probably somewhat threatened. It won’t ever be just the two of us again. Plus, she says she already has a dad and doesn’t need another one. Not that he is in any way trying to or even want to ‘replace’ her biological dad. But she still has some unresolved issues surrounding that I think and it’s emotionally tough for her.

So as happy and excited as I am, she’s not always going to meet me at that level, and that’s okay. I need to just let her have her feelings, and help her through it all when I can and just be there for her and continue to make sure she knows she will always be a priority. And who knows, maybe one day she’ll decide she actually wants to refer to him as step-dad. But it’s not something we’re going to push on her.

But anyway….I’M ENGAGED!!!!!!!!! eeeek