Have you ever walked into a place you’ve never been before and just felt like you were in an alternate universe that made you extremely uncomfortable and you could literally feel the anxiety building inside your body? That’s how I felt every time I walked into Family Court. You have to walk inside this giant building, go through metal detectors, find your floor and your waiting area and your courtroom. You see so many different people with different backgrounds, different ages, and different reasons for being there. It’s unsettling and sad too. Every time I was there I felt so out of place, like I just didn’t belong.

I know someone going through a situation where they are currently going through family court and recently her and I were talking about it. We’ve had similar experiences and opinions about it. I mean for starters, you are there for court, to see a judge. So many people come dressed so inappropriately, whether it be in sweatpants or short shorts and tank tops, or tiny little dresses because they probably think it looks cute. I just feel like if you have to go to court, any kind of court, and get in front of a judge, wouldn’t you want to look more presentable? Wouldn’t you want to look more like you have your shit together? Maybe make a good, or at least decent, impression?

Maybe that’s just me.

I was in court for custody and child support. When my ex and I first separated he would get on me about how unfair it was that I was “taking” his daughter away from him. But the reality was he wasn’t putting in any real effort to see her. At some point we made a deal; he had to take her every other weekend. He was her parent too and he had a responsibility. But nothing really changed. His weekend would come and I would get one excuse or another. Sometimes he was just working and I had to understand that, he needed to keep his job (although he wasn’t paying me any child support). But it was happening too often. And even if I tried to say, okay let me know when you have free time and maybe we can work something out, even if it’s not your weekend; he didn’t usually take me up on that.

So I decided it was time to go to court. When I told him what I was doing he got mad. He again said I was just trying to take his daughter from him or I was lying to him about my intentions and was trying to pull one over on him. None of that was true, of course. I told him I wanted it on record that he was to get our daughter every other weekend, from Friday night to Sunday night. And he would also get her every Wednesday. That’s what I told him and that’s exactly what he got. I wanted court documents that proved he was supposed to be getting time with his daughter, that I wasn’t trying to take her from him. Being that it was a legal court document, I had to abide by it. And I wanted to be able to prove that if HE didn’t follow through then HE was the one violating the agreement which could potentially lead to him getting less visitation.

Now this was all very new to me and I was still so uncomfortable with the whole thing and still not wanting to upset or emotionally hurt him. So while we did settle on custody, he convinced me to not go through with the child support hearing, that he would find us a mediator instead and work it out our selves. Obviously that never happened. If someone tells you it would just be better to go through a mediator instead of a judge and swears they’ll pay and hold up their end of the deal – don’t believe them. Go see the judge.

We never saw a mediator. He still wasn’t really paying me child support, even when I would try to ask for it, even if it was just $50. Something. Anything. He was doing a little better about taking her on his weekends and even Wednesdays. But most of the time it was his grandmother that he was living with that would watch her majority of the weekend. Sometimes he would be working but sometimes he would just leave the house three times a day to do who knows what and our daughter would again be left with his grandmother. Not spending any real time with her dad. I started getting frustrated. I started questioning what was the point of her going there every other weekend when she wasn’t spending it with her dad. I was also the one dropping my daughter off and picking her back up most of the time. And I remember a few instances when I went to pick her up and he would come outside looking under the influence of something. He always denied it and I couldn’t prove it but I knew something wasn’t right.

Eventually I took him back to court for both custody and child support. This time I got myself a lawyer to help with the custody. Apparently, being that custody and child support are two different hearings, she could only represent me for one of them unless I paid another fee for her to represent me for both. Which I kind of understand. It’s a little more work for her plus multiple different court visits. So I handled the child support on my own. Our custody case settled pretty quickly. I was asking for full custody and he willingly signed it over. It was actually a very bitter-sweet moment. On the one hand I was so happy that he didn’t make it a huge fight and make things so difficult. On the other hand, it was sad to me that he so easily signed his rights away.

Child support took a bit longer. He didn’t even show up to court and then when he finally did he didn’t have all the information and documents he was supposed to have so we kept having to post-pone. Then he got arrested for stealing a car from a gas station and was in jail for a month. We had another court date scheduled but a month after he was released, he was arrested again. This time for trying to rob a 7-11 with his dad. The things people do for drugs, ya know. We finally get a court date that we both show up to – mainly because he was in jail so he didn’t have a choice when they put him in a room to video conference in. However, being that he was in jail and would be there for at least a few months, the courts could only order him to pay a whopping $25 a month. $25 A MONTH. I mean, I get that he’s in jail so he can’t actually work, but what the actual hell. $25 barely covers enough food for one day. It was so insulting and unfair to both me and his child. We didn’t get him locked up. We didn’t make him do illegal things. That was all him so why were we being punished? I know he wouldn’t have been able to pay while in jail but at least make him responsible for more than that so he can pay it off when he gets out. I mean, damn.

Sometime after he ‘got out’ I did take him back to court, again, to adjust child support, again. They did bump it up a little bit but because he was working off the books and claimed he wasn’t making any money and the courts couldn’t prove otherwise, he still was only responsible for paying less than $200 a month. Meanwhile, all his money was going towards his drug use so he never did pay. But when tax season came around and he was supposed to get a refund, it all went straight to child support so I guess karma?

Moral of this long story, having to go through family court sucks and the family court system needs major adjustments and improvements.